Okay, so it seems that Miss Grizabella is coming for Simba’s wig this week. Before CGI Mufasa has even hit the CGI ground in the new Lion King, the other big, technologically confusing feline film is grand jeté-ing into the conversation. Ahead of the Friday release of the trailer for the Tom Hooper-directed film, Universal dropped a behind-the-scene promo video today called Cats: A Look Inside. I’m not trying to get anybody written up, but why this was not called Cats: Furst Look is beyond me. BEYOND ME.
Nevertheless, the video offers a tantalizing glimpse inside a production that I actually cannot conceive of at all. Every time someone says “live-action Cats” I turn into a robot from Westworld.
Apparently, the movie will be motion capture of some sort, although suspiciously no one is wearing a motion capture suit in the Furst Look video. Tom Hooper says the words “digital fur technology” as if that explains it but I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it. I just want to know what I should be emotionally preparing myself for. Will they be human-like cats standing on their hind legs but with fur placement like Teen Wolf? Will they be famous faces plastered on to cats like Whoopi Golderg in Alice in Wonderland? Will they just be dressed in black giving the impression of cats like this is some sort of minimalist Ivo van Hove interpretation? Or like the prequel to Cats, which, as we all know, is the movie Dogville?Dame Judi Dench, report to my office! I NEED ANSWERS.
While we wait, let’s go through the video and discuss every time that I fully screamed. Just sitting at my desk, covered head-to-toe in digital fur technology, yelling at the top of my lungs.
JHud in a dang fur coat!
Furst of all, JHud always and forever. Second of all, y’all, what is happening? We have exactly zero motion capture suits but do have Jennifer THEE Hudson swanning around a rehearsal studio in one of Diahann Carroll’s Dynasty costumes! I really want to believe this wasn’t even for the film; she just showed up to work feeling herself and they rolled with it.
THE MILK BAR!
I am unaware if this is a part of the stage production because the extent of my Cats knowledge is learning to play “Memory” on my Casio keyboard when I was 11 and watching Kimmy Schmidt, but regardless, I am newly obsessed with the idea that cats go to a bar to drink milk and also that it looks like an oyster restaurant in Penn Station.
So much big furniture.
I’ve thought about it and the fact that they are putting Oscar-winners on oversized everyday furniture that is not quite to scale but still v. v. big is definitely my favorite part of this whole incomprehensible affair. There is so much big furniture and every single item is brilliant and creepy and I love it.
See also: Rebel Wilson reaching for a giant door knob! Is this camp?!
And Taylor Swift next to a big bike.
Side note: that bike is big but is it big enough? Can you imagine a cat the size of a bike tire? I don’t know, hon, sounds dystopian.
Idris and Taylor dancing!!!!
I was keeping it together somewhat until Idris Elba showed up in grey sweatpants with his 20,000 leagues deep voice. Have I frozen every frame to study it closely? Yes, because I am a journalist. THEN as if I weren’t already wrecked, he starts dancing with Taylor Swift! And they are selling it! Moulin Rouge found on life support!
I am obsessed with how different their styles are. To be honest, I wasn’t certain that these two people existed in the same universe, so this is truly wild. What do they even talk about?! I need to calm down.
The giant bee on James Corden’s jacket
That is all. It’s just… so huge. And also it is not a cat. Because it is a bee. I have questions.
Dame Judi, rum-tum-tugging at my heart
Dench was originally cast in Cats in 1981 but tore her Achilles heel and couldn’t do it. Now, nearly 40 years later, all has been made right! She’s a Real Cat now! Why am I sobbing?!
THE MILK JUG!
Jennifer Hudson in a dang fur coat emoting next to a giant milk jug! This image will haunt me and delight me all of my days. St. Peter, cue up the orientation video because I am recently deceased. I hope they show Cats in Heaven.